first of all let me say…
i only have about a dozen pictures from before the year 2000 because of this crazy flood that happened a ruined everything in the storage below this place the twins and i lived. it’s so wild when that flood happened, the guys were on tour in that first two or three years when they never came home and i waded through a foot of sludge to try and save some stuff. i didn’t even think at the time that i was losing all of our memories. my mom’s wedding photos were down there and pictures from the different places we lived. my friend’s girlfriend was helping me dig out all this stuff from underwater and she was crying seeing all this stuff just floating and ruined…it didn’t even really register to me. every once-in-a-while a picture from around that time in unearthed, like this one, and it just sorta freaks me out.
it’s kinda like life didn’t exist before then sometimes because things had already been pretty terrible and as soon as i was able to get ahold of something to drink or some drugs to do i don’t remember anything anyways, just kinda like flecks of memories, like a sped up life with momentary slow pauses which usually felt like death. to be honest i don’t even remember this picture or what was up with it but i remember all these kids because they were my childhood friends. these are some of the best humans on the earth. i slept on their couches when i left home at 16. i worked at golden corral with some of them and subway with other ones…hell the guys first gig ever was opening for phil’s band in his parents basement with a crowd of people and an industrial fan, haha, that shit was tite.
so this picture…like i said, i don’t remember the deal, someone just tagged me in it on facebook which i normally don’t see and i always hate but this is pretty crazy. it’s weird how you don’t remember anything and then you see your favorite brown pants that you wore for like 6 months straight…how did i forget those? you can’t really see it but there is a baby blue studded belt thing going on, i think i got that at smash in DC. i think that weird yellow shirt is a beastie boys shirt, it’s crazy to think i only owned like 8 shirts but, yeah…and i’m avoiding the obvious wallet chain, it’s not like i had any money or probably even a wallet but you know, we were always wearing chains and stuff…for real the brown pants, why have brown pants always been my favorite?
whoever found this picture, thank you…it’s so crazy, i’m kinda bummed i was so messed up for those years but thanks to all my friends who put up with me, i’m 100% sure i wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you guys. has it really been 13 years since this picture was taken? what was this event? did i really need to get out of whatever suit i was wearing that fast? did i even wear a suit to whatever this was? i guess there were no cameras on phones back then, huh…where did all these tattoos come from? anyways…
if you are young…and you’re all, trying to forget the past by blurring up the present because you’re sure there is no future…i just gotta tell you, i was pretty certain i’d be dead before 30 (i tried my best to make it happen, believe me) but the punishment is -you live…and you’re left with all results and you might even lose all your pictures, imagine a decade of your life where you can only recall moments here and there…it’s pretty weird…so yeah, yeah, yeah i’m not even gonna tell you to be careful and don’t get “to turnt” and some bullshit like that but…seriously, take care of yourself and love your friends, tell ‘em every chance you get because you’re gonna move away and lose touch, one of you might leave this thing called life, end up in a box, you might not get to say “sorry i was so f*cked up, sorry i was a sloppy mess, and thank you for taking care of me when i couldn’t do it myself”
wherever you are, take a breath, you’re alive and that’s kindof a sweet deal…and don’t forget your favorite brown pants