whatever tomorrow brings...

Feb 04

Mamas, God’s Nesting Doll

I just read a blog entry where she talks about “God’s infinitely perfect Mama Plan” - how her 10 year old still fits when she holds her whole struggling with her spells of Autism. This made me think of Nesting Dolls, because she referenced our bodies always able to continue with the Mama Plan…room to fit generation after generation. I’ve liked Nesting Dolls and have had a collection of them since childhood. This gives me a new meaning behind that.

I wonder where I can find Frog and Monkey Nesting Dolls for my little monkey man’s green froggy room. Amazon? Time to look.

Feb 03

Mommy anxiety

Officially in freak out mode. I have everything (yeah, right) ready for me to go back to work tomorrow, and I am sitting up in bed nowhere near sleep. Anxiety to the max. Did I get enough for me to eat, did I get everything to pump and store, will the grandmas be able to find everything they need (the right size clothes) in this mess of a house (the couch and big boy crib laundry piles)…these thoughts on top of how will he and I (mainly me) react to being away from each other so long tomorrow, will I be able to concentrate enough (not cry) to be of any use at work, will I be too stressed to pump well, will I be able to pump as often as I need to, etc, etc, etc. I know it’ll be good to be around grown ups and see my work friends and for Christopher to spend time with grandmas and thankfully he’s coming to see me at lunch, but I’m still super freaking out. I don’t want him to stress out tomorrow, but honestly, I think I’m worried that he WILL do just fine without me…I know that’s silly, but it’s true.

Jan 10
greatnaps:

dennis stock
Jan 05

the-fatman-walks-alone asked: Do you ever feel like life isn't worth it?

mrmean:

i have at times when i was messed up on stuff and feeling sorry for myself…i went for a walk in an arena one time and met some kids with muscular dystrophy and spinal muscular atrophy who are fighting to maintain their motor skills…i met a girl named linzey who i will love forever, i think of her daily…i went and worked at a camp one summer with these kids who are 15 and 16 years old and they can’t shower or go to the bathroom without assistance…those kids are my heros because they’re living a more full and spirited life than the degenerates i meet on a daily basis.

i feel like life is fully worth it. i feel like the internet and selfies and keeping up with the joneses and emotions becoming emoticons and tv shows about lower middle class america (where i come from and how i identify myself) have people romanticizing what reality is. we have to many feelings and opinions about things that have nothing to do with us…and more importantly never will.

i don’t pretend to be an authority on anything…there’s nothing else i can say except for…yeah, when i don’t get out into the real world, when i don’t travel or move around, when i have to much time on my hands…i question what life is worth. i’m broke dude…or ma’am…or whoever this is asking this question. i’m not rich and there’s a reason…that reason is because i’m pretty much just surviving and loving every minute of it (about 96% of the time.) i stopped contemplating the value of my life and i started living it as fully as i can, til i fall out exhausted every day.

life is worth it. if nobody told you that they love you today…well i love you, no matter who you are or how you’ve been feeling or acting. when you feel like sh*t give someone a hug…go down to the hospital and tell them you wanna read to some kids who are terminally ill…if they tell you to come back, then make a date and do it. 

if you question for a minute if life is worth it…change it. change your life because you can. i did and i do and i will forever because we have to. if nothing changes than nothing changes…get it? we are human, we feel sh*tty from time to time, or maybe even for a while, but we don’t have to sit in it. 

don’t wait for the new year…do it now…start this minute.

love, Josh

Jan 05
mrmean:

first of all let me say…
i only have about a dozen pictures from before the year 2000 because of this crazy flood that happened a ruined everything in the storage below this place the twins and i lived. it’s so wild when that flood happened, the guys were on tour in that first two or three years when they never came home and i waded through a foot of sludge to try and save some stuff. i didn’t even think at the time that i was losing all of our memories. my mom’s wedding photos were down there and pictures from the different places we lived. my friend’s girlfriend was helping me dig out all this stuff from underwater and she was crying seeing all this stuff just floating and ruined…it didn’t even really register to me. every once-in-a-while a picture from around that time in unearthed, like this one, and it just sorta freaks me out.  

it’s kinda like life didn’t exist before then sometimes because things had already been pretty terrible and as soon as i was able to get ahold of something to drink or some drugs to do i don’t remember anything anyways, just kinda like flecks of memories, like a sped up life with momentary slow pauses which usually felt like death. to be honest i don’t even remember this picture or what was up with it but i remember all these kids because they were my childhood friends. these are some of the best humans on the earth. i slept on their couches when i left home at 16. i worked at golden corral with some of them and subway with other ones…hell the guys first gig ever was opening for phil’s band in his parents basement with a crowd of people and an industrial fan, haha, that shit was tite. 

so this picture…like i said, i don’t remember the deal, someone just tagged me in it on facebook which i normally don’t see and i always hate but this is pretty crazy. it’s weird how you don’t remember anything and then you see your favorite brown pants that you wore for like 6 months straight…how did i forget those? you can’t really see it but there is a baby blue studded belt thing going on, i think i got that at smash in DC. i think that weird yellow shirt is a beastie boys shirt, it’s crazy to think i only owned like 8 shirts but, yeah…and i’m avoiding the obvious wallet chain, it’s not like i had any money or probably even a wallet but you know, we were always wearing chains and stuff…for real the brown pants, why have brown pants always been my favorite?

whoever found this picture, thank you…it’s so crazy, i’m kinda bummed i was so messed up for those years but thanks to all my friends who put up with me, i’m 100% sure i wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you guys. has it really been 13 years since this picture was taken? what was this event? did i really need to get out of whatever suit i was wearing that fast? did i even wear a suit to whatever this was? i guess there were no cameras on phones back then, huh…where did all these tattoos come from? anyways…

if you are young…and you’re all, trying to forget the past by blurring up the present because you’re sure there is no future…i just gotta tell you, i was pretty certain i’d be dead before 30 (i tried my best to make it happen, believe me) but the punishment is -you live…and you’re left with all results and you might even lose all your pictures, imagine a decade of your life where you can only recall moments here and there…it’s pretty weird…so yeah, yeah, yeah i’m not even gonna tell you to be careful and don’t get “to turnt” and some bullshit like that but…seriously, take care of yourself and love your friends, tell ‘em every chance you get because you’re gonna move away and lose touch, one of you might leave this thing called life, end up in a box, you might not get to say “sorry i was so f*cked up, sorry i was a sloppy mess, and thank you for taking care of me when i couldn’t do it myself” 

wherever you are, take a breath, you’re alive and that’s kindof a sweet deal…and don’t forget your favorite brown pants

mrmean:

first of all let me say…
i only have about a dozen pictures from before the year 2000 because of this crazy flood that happened a ruined everything in the storage below this place the twins and i lived. it’s so wild when that flood happened, the guys were on tour in that first two or three years when they never came home and i waded through a foot of sludge to try and save some stuff. i didn’t even think at the time that i was losing all of our memories. my mom’s wedding photos were down there and pictures from the different places we lived. my friend’s girlfriend was helping me dig out all this stuff from underwater and she was crying seeing all this stuff just floating and ruined…it didn’t even really register to me. every once-in-a-while a picture from around that time in unearthed, like this one, and it just sorta freaks me out.

it’s kinda like life didn’t exist before then sometimes because things had already been pretty terrible and as soon as i was able to get ahold of something to drink or some drugs to do i don’t remember anything anyways, just kinda like flecks of memories, like a sped up life with momentary slow pauses which usually felt like death. to be honest i don’t even remember this picture or what was up with it but i remember all these kids because they were my childhood friends. these are some of the best humans on the earth. i slept on their couches when i left home at 16. i worked at golden corral with some of them and subway with other ones…hell the guys first gig ever was opening for phil’s band in his parents basement with a crowd of people and an industrial fan, haha, that shit was tite.

so this picture…like i said, i don’t remember the deal, someone just tagged me in it on facebook which i normally don’t see and i always hate but this is pretty crazy. it’s weird how you don’t remember anything and then you see your favorite brown pants that you wore for like 6 months straight…how did i forget those? you can’t really see it but there is a baby blue studded belt thing going on, i think i got that at smash in DC. i think that weird yellow shirt is a beastie boys shirt, it’s crazy to think i only owned like 8 shirts but, yeah…and i’m avoiding the obvious wallet chain, it’s not like i had any money or probably even a wallet but you know, we were always wearing chains and stuff…for real the brown pants, why have brown pants always been my favorite?

whoever found this picture, thank you…it’s so crazy, i’m kinda bummed i was so messed up for those years but thanks to all my friends who put up with me, i’m 100% sure i wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you guys. has it really been 13 years since this picture was taken? what was this event? did i really need to get out of whatever suit i was wearing that fast? did i even wear a suit to whatever this was? i guess there were no cameras on phones back then, huh…where did all these tattoos come from? anyways…

if you are young…and you’re all, trying to forget the past by blurring up the present because you’re sure there is no future…i just gotta tell you, i was pretty certain i’d be dead before 30 (i tried my best to make it happen, believe me) but the punishment is -you live…and you’re left with all results and you might even lose all your pictures, imagine a decade of your life where you can only recall moments here and there…it’s pretty weird…so yeah, yeah, yeah i’m not even gonna tell you to be careful and don’t get “to turnt” and some bullshit like that but…seriously, take care of yourself and love your friends, tell ‘em every chance you get because you’re gonna move away and lose touch, one of you might leave this thing called life, end up in a box, you might not get to say “sorry i was so f*cked up, sorry i was a sloppy mess, and thank you for taking care of me when i couldn’t do it myself”

wherever you are, take a breath, you’re alive and that’s kindof a sweet deal…and don’t forget your favorite brown pants

Jan 05
ilovecharts:

Ooooooh, Garfield

Garfield!

ilovecharts:

Ooooooh, Garfield

Garfield!

Jan 04
Jan 04
molls:

I totally am in to nerdy stuff like this and will do it.

molls:

I totally am in to nerdy stuff like this and will do it.

Dec 01
Laverne fans taking pics and waiting to hug their boys

Laverne fans taking pics and waiting to hug their boys

Dec 01
#1

#1